When you’re feeling low, the last thing you want to do is dump your therapist (yes, we know, wasn’t the shrink supposed to make you feel better?)
According to a few experts, you need to constantly evaluate your relationship with your shrink just like you do with your friends, parents, and partners. A good therapist shouldn’t always let you leave every therapy session feeling like everything is perfect – therapy is hard work. It should sometimes leave you feeling challenged or drained, stirred up or energetic to take anything on or even just normal.
Therapy should stop you from hiding – all the emotions you’ve been ignoring should spill out into the open. It makes you feel weepy or angry, extremely fatigued, not wanting to see your lover/friends, vengeful or clouded.
However, finding the perfect therapist, one you have a good rapport with from the start, is more challenging than it appears in the movies. So, if you always leave therapy feeling too happy or uncomfortable, here are reasons you may need to break up with your therapist asap.
You Still Find It Hard To Cope IRL
As mentioned, therapy isn’t a linear process, so sometimes you might feel better, and others times you might feel worse. Overall it would help if you felt like you were moving in the right direction. Experts recommend these questions to be clear – do you feel like you have a better sense of self? Do you feel like your symptoms are better managed?
Most people get attached to therapists because they “tolerate” and “like” them. Others because they make you laugh and are just so “perfect for you.” However, their job is to provide you with concrete tools and procedures you can use in real life.
Suppose you’re looking for ways to manage your anxiety. In that case, you need to leave therapy with a well-established “coping toolbox,” which might involve: cognitive behavioral techniques like acceptance strategies, cognitive behavioral techniques, and reframing thoughts.
If you don’t have a better sense of managing or living with anxiety in a functional manner after numerous sessions, this could indicate that it’s time to move on.
You Just Can’t About The Merlot Or Rośe
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You lay down on your therapist’s chair and start spilling about your nagging boss, hormones-raging teenager, and passive-aggressive employee. However, when you think about that entire bottle of Merlot you down every evening, you get numb.
According to experts, it should only take about three to five sessions to feel comfortable with opening up to your therapist. It’s one of these relationships where trust needs to be the foundation.
But, when it comes to your sex or race, if you feel like your therapist does not understand you, don’t push through. Try finding another option that gets you.
They Shame Or Judge Your Actions/Words
First of all, therapists are just human – they don’t know all the answers and can easily make mistakes and judgment calls. Nonetheless, just because they’re human doesn’t mean you need to forgive them for making you feel ashamed or judged about your issues.
Even though you’ve fucked up terribly, your therapist shouldn’t make you feel terrible about those things – yes, even an eye roll after informing them about your weird sexual encounters is judgment.
Every Session Turns Into A Gossip Sesh
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Back-and-forth banter is fantastic, but remember, you’re not their sounding board. It’s not a great sign when your therapist always talks about their life or another “interesting” patient. Or uses information from another patient’s records to “make you feel like you’re not the only one.”
An excessively chatty hog? Maybe that’s not the best trait for a therapist.
They’re An Expert In “Fixing” Every Condition
Light bulb moment! It’s a red flag if your therapist is always too eager to fix your issues. It might be due to their hungering ego or agenda, but rushing a client’s process isn’t part of a healthy therapeutic relationship.
Experts suggest proceeding with caution when a therapist has already prepared procedures to use without trying to get to know all about you or your issues first. They might be hurrying you through a prearranged plan that’s not ideal.
Your Therapist Has Flaky Tendencies
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Bad behavior is not just for dating or friendships – yeah, we are a universe of flakes (life just happens sometimes). But, when your therapist always has an excuse for being late to your appointments, keeps an extremely messy office, or takes personal calls during your visit, gurrrll, run! They might not be the perfect option for you.
* This article was originally published here
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